


A Time For Us

by Ghostwriter (Zoya_Zalan)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, POV First Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3816187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya_Zalan/pseuds/Ghostwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The beginning of a relationship, gently explored.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Time For Us

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** : Paramount owns all things Voyager; I'm just borrowing. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Written June1998.

~ * ~ * ~

The comment was entirely inappropriate, thoroughly indecent, and bordered on outright insubordination. Yet, I couldn't seem to wipe the shocked smirk off my face as we exited the turbolift only seconds after he'd spoken. I knew I was blushing; the temperature inside my uniform had risen exponentially, causing an interesting expression to cross Tuvok's face as we passed the Tactical station. Oh, Paris would have a field day with this once he caught sight of me. I could only hope he'd mistake my symptoms for something less provocative — like gas.

As for Chakotay... well, he seemed just as cool as a cucumber. Not a flicker of emotion crossed his face after we’d entered the Bridge — business as usual. His blatant audacity had shocked me and, as usual, his timing was impeccable; he'd waited until the turbolift doors were just about to open before speaking. Oh, I'd been more than aware of his feelings for me. I'm sure he could sense my attraction to him as well, but I never expected him to be quite so bold. A quiet endearment, a silent flicker of passion in his eyes, perhaps, but definitely not the remark he'd just made. I suppose a woman my age should have been flattered beyond words... and since I couldn't seem to find my voice just yet, maybe that was the case, but there was also a part of me that wanted to haul off and clobber him.

"Status report," Chakotay ordered quietly. I glanced hesitantly in Tuvok's direction, trying my best to look unruffled, but the fact that I hadn't been the one who requested the report had already roused the Vulcan's curiosity. He looked pointedly at me, his eyebrows raised as he spoke. I felt a new wave of heat suffuse my face. He may be Vulcan, but he's not completely oblivious to human behavior, especially not my own, which he'd observed quite thoroughly over the last decade or so.

"Astrometrics has logged a formal complaint regarding the lack of available power from Engineering for the use of long-range navigational sensor sweeps. Engineering has logged a counter-complaint against the entire Astrometrics department for ‘Over expenditure of precious resources for unwarranted and unnecessary use at this time,’" the Vulcan began calmly.

"Sounds like B'Elanna and Seven are having another difference of opinion." Chakotay's voice was full of amusement.

"Yeah, right," Tom Paris remarked softly. "Ever heard of PMS?"

Stifled laughter floated over from the Ops station. Even though I didn't look, I could just imagine Harry Kim fighting for control, a bright smile forming against his will. I heard Chakotay laughing silently behind me, as well. Had it not been for the blush still dissipating from my face, I may have indulged in the humor myself. As it was, I needed to regain control... and quickly.

"Two crew members were treated for severe allergic reactions to the Leola souffle served in the Mess Hall last evening," Tuvok continued with his report. "Deck eight lost all gravitational control for approximately four point three seconds at 0630 hours this morning due to a slight fluctuation in one of the power conduits. The Doctor has officially requested shore leave for a period of three days for personal reasons..."

_Great_ , I thought wearily, taking a deep breath as Tuvok's voice faded into the background. _I need to play referee for two headstrong women who routinely like to test my patience, I have a hologram who appears to have more of a personal life than I do, and now I have a first officer making blatant comments about the size of my..._

" _Voyager_ is currently traveling at warp factor five on course 8124.9," the Vulcan continued once more, interrupting my train of thought. "No problems or malfunctions are being reported at this time."

"Thank you, Mr. Tuvok," I replied quickly, my own voice sounding a bit choked. I turned and faced the view screen, very aware that Mr. Paris was scrutinizing me from the Conn. I didn't look directly at him, but I could sense his amusement. He knew something was up, too. It's just my luck I'd wind up being surrounded by officers who don't let anything slip past them. That's the danger of working too closely together for a long period of time. They are all so talented at reading subtle hints and meanings. It unnerves the hell out of me, but I'm also eternally grateful. Other starship captains might feel seriously threatened if someone saw a sign of weakness, a sign that they weren't in control, a sign that they were flesh and blood just like everyone else. In the Alpha Quadrant, that could be detrimental to the chain of command. But, here, in the Delta Quadrant, things are different. The keen foresight and attention to detail that many, such as Paris, possess may just mean the difference between life and death for another crew member, possibly even myself.

I risked a look in the pilot's direction, hoping to dissuade any further thoughts with one of my infamous captain's looks. He met my gaze evenly and openly, a touch of a smile at the corner of his mouth. I even saw a hint of concern written in his eyes, directly behind that sparkle of mischief that seems perpetual. Damn. He'd disarmed me completely within seconds. My heart jolted with the realization that this young man wouldn't hesitate to give up his life for me or this ship. The respect and admiration was as clear as day on his face, leaving me to wonder how and when I had ceased to be 'just the captain' to my crew. How much do they know of me? How much do they suspect? Even as I straightened my back, slipping easily into a command posture, I knew very little was hidden. We weren't merely a crew anymore; we were a family. Oh, I would always be their leader, the one they turn to for answers, guidance, and support, but their respect for me and my position goes far deeper than the title that's mine alone to bear.

With a slight nod of his head, his smile momentarily growing wider, Paris turned back to his console. I closed my eyes, feeling the strength of my steadfast crew wrapping around me like a warm blanket. A sudden coolness on my face signaled that my color was finally returning to normal. One more deep breath and I felt ready to face the man who'd deliberately sought to start my day with a healthy dose of adrenaline. Opening my eyes, I turned around and looked at Chakotay. He was sitting in his chair, gaze already locked with mine. My stomach muscles fluttered as I realized he'd been watching me. Damn that man...

"I'll be in my Ready Room, Commander. You have the Bridge." I let my eyes relay a gentle warning to him, even though I kept my voice soft.

He saw it, and understood, though it didn't stop the grin that formed as he answered, "Aye, Captain."

I nodded as I turned towards my destination, forcing myself to look away from those beautiful brown eyes and all they were silently trying to tell me. "Mr. Tuvok, please have Lieutenant Torres and Seven of Nine report to me immediately." The Vulcan nodded his head once in response before returning to the controls.

~ * ~ * ~

Once inside my own private sanctuary, I let the feelings I'd held inside come out softly. It felt good to smile again. Our run-in with the Hirogen had drained all of us emotionally for awhile, leaving empty shells where there had once been vibrant life. But, that was months ago. The ship is repaired now, and thanks to a brief but arduous encounter with slipstream technology, we're a little closer to home. It never ceases to amaze me how much we've adapted over the years, our will to survive helping us rebound from normally disastrous circumstances. Hope is our cohesion, the bond that allows us to learn from our experiences and rekindles our spirit of adventure time after time.

Of course, none of that explained why my first officer had suddenly become so bold with his compliments. I allowed myself a moment of laughter while I pondered what had come over him. I was deeply flattered, yes, but of all the nerve...

Once again my thoughts were interrupted, this time by the sound of the door chime. I moved behind my desk and sat down as I called for entry, remembering at the last second to wipe the silly smile off my face. The door opened revealing the two crew members I was going to have to deal with. Both of them tried to move through the entryway at the same time. When that didn't work, Torres jerked herself back and gestured Seven forward.

"After you," she offered sweetly. I knew it was a ruse. There was venom in both her eyes and words. Seven stepped forward confidently, completely unaware of the engineer's anger. I took another deep breath, bracing myself for the confrontation.

"Please have a seat, ladies," I said, letting my tone of voice make it clear I meant business. They responded automatically, quickening their steps. I watched them both very carefully for a time without speaking, gauging their responses. Seven gazed back at me intently. Her confidence easily bordered on arrogance, but that was a concept she couldn't comprehend, at least not yet. Torres wouldn't meet my eyes. She stared angrily at the front of my desk, shifting nervously in her chair. I understood perfectly that both of them wanted my approval — needed my approval, but I had to be objective.

"I've been informed," I began, keeping my voice even, "that we have a problem between our Engineering and Astrometrics departments. Would anyone care to explain?" Torres turned her head away from me, closing her eyes in apparent disgust when Seven started to speak.

"Yes, Captain. I have requested that more power be rerouted from Engineering to Astrometrics."

"For what purpose?" I asked, still trying to catch my Chief Engineer's eyes.

"I have made modifications that will allow extensive long range scans to be conducted up to a distance of two hundred light years," the former Borg replied. I felt my eyebrows rising. "This will improve the accuracy of our current stellar maps and allow us to plot long-range navigational charts months in advance instead of weeks."

"That's very impressive, Seven. Were these modifications approved by the senior staff?" I ventured, looking back to the blond woman. "I don't remember reading any reports?" For the first time, Seven's gaze wavered, an uncomfortable look crossing her features. "I just completed them this morning. I have not yet had the chance to report my findings." I nodded as she spoke.

"We can't reroute any more power just yet!" Torres spat at the other woman. "The power grid is still bypassed like a Christmas tree from going through the Mutara Nebula!"

"B'Elanna." I kept my voice soft but firm. My hot-tempered engineer finally looked at me, her eyes blazing with anger. She relented almost immediately, though, averting her gaze once more.

"Captain, these modifications will greatly enhance our efficiency," Seven insisted.

"I realize that, Seven, and your diligence is greatly appreciated," I began. "But, as I've explained to you before, there is a reason we follow procedures on board. I want you to prepare a full report on your work for the staff meeting this afternoon. We will review your proposal at that time, and decide whether we can afford the extra power to be reallocated.  
Engineering has enough to do right now, and we don't need to be complicating their job any more than necessary."

"Yes, Captain," Seven responded, sounding very much like a child that's been punished. The young woman was entirely too efficient for her own good sometimes. I had no doubt she was still working on modifications for the slipstream technology as well.

I turned back to my Chief Engineer, who was still staring everywhere in the room except at me. Both of them are so proud and headstrong, brilliant in their own right. They'd been butting heads since day one, leaving the crew to wonder whether they would ever get along. I know better. Torres wouldn't be putting forth the effort to argue with her continually if she considered the former Borg inconsequential. There is jealousy involved, yes, but time will smooth out the rough edges. Paris had been the engineer's favorite verbal punching bag at the beginning of this mission; now they are lovers, and there isn't a single person on board who believes that relationship is purely a physical one.

"B'Elanna," I began softly. She slowly turned back to me, only half-glancing at my face. "I want you to prepare a power consumption report for the meeting, weighing the pros and cons of temporarily diverting additional power to Astrometrics. We need to investigate the possibilities and figure out how to utilize all beneficial resources."

"Yes, Captain," she replied quietly.

I took a deep breath and released it audibly, leaning back in my chair while still observing the women in front of me. "What am I going to do with the two of you?"

"Shall I confine myself to the cargo bay?" Seven asked evenly, automatically anticipating a punishment that I'd had to impose quite frequently since we'd assimilated her back into humanity. A small laugh escaped Torres — genuine humor. I felt a smile starting on my own face.

"I don't think so, Seven. There's no need for that kind of action in this case." I paused, collecting my thoughts as the atmosphere relaxed noticeably. "Both of you are an integral part of this ship and how it functions, and both of you should be aware of the procedures followed on board," I emphasized. "If there is a problem or difference of opinion, you need to bring it to either me or Commander Chakotay immediately. Is that understood?"

They both acknowledged me quietly. I realized then, in a moment of profound clarity, that this was probably the closest I would ever come to being a mother. The thought made my head swirl as I continued to watch the two women whom I had just gently disciplined. The key word was gently. I could have been a lot harsher, and that certainly would have been warranted given the fact that they're always arguing with one another about something... just like siblings. I smiled inwardly. 

"Shall we return to our posts?" Seven's question brought me back to the present. After a moment, I decided to try a new approach to an old subject.

"Not until the two of you agree to kiss and make up."

"You wish me to kiss Lieutenant Torres?" the former Borg asked, the tone of her voice giving away her curiosity. I could tell by the small smile on Torres' face that my plan was having the intended effect.

"A figure of speech, Seven," I replied. "I want the two of you to find a way to get along, learn to resolve your differences in a positive manner. All the energy you spend arguing with one another could be better spent collaborating on the brilliant projects I know you're both capable of. Between the two of you, I don't think there's anything that can't be accomplished." My strategy was working. Both of them were looking at each other without a hint of animosity written in their expressions. Mine hadn't exactly been a textbook pep talk, but improvising has become second nature to me since we found ourselves stranded in this quadrant.

"Now," I continued, "you have six hours to prepare the data. Let's find a way to make this work for all of us."

"Yes, ma'am," Torres responded as they both rose from their chairs. I closed my eyes and smiled as they exited, the beginnings of a technical conversation already starting between them.

Leaning forward onto the desk, I cradled my head in my arms and allowed the daunting responsibility to overwhelm me for a moment. I am mother to a crew of one hundred forty-two. Funny how I'd never thought of it that way before. They are my children, each and every one of them, and I will get them home. But, what about Kathryn? I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the top of my desk. A mother teaches by example, and comforts from the heart. Perhaps that works for Captain Janeway. but it also leaves Kathryn sitting in the dark, lonely and unfulfilled. I'm strong, but I'm only human. Sooner or later this issue will catch up to me. It may even affect my ability to lead the others. The children I watch over are very intelligent; they're bound to notice my loneliness at some point. Perhaps they already have.

A soft chirping sound broke my train of thought. I raised my eyes to stare at the computer terminal. There was a message waiting, blinking impatiently. I sighed and reached over to engage the access control. Instantly, the message appeared on the screen, bringing another smile to my face.

'Are you mad at me?' it read.

A deep chuckle rolled from my throat. Somehow I'd known that what happened earlier wasn't going to go away so easily. Still smiling, I sat up straight and keyed in the word 'yes' before sending it back to his monitor on the Bridge. Then I sat back and waited. No more than eight seconds later, my door chime sounded. Not bad, I thought, struggling to keep my face straight as I called for entry.

Chakotay walked in, visibly suppressing a grin. "Kathryn?"

"Commander?" I replied professionally.

"You're angry with me, aren't you? For what I said?"

"I have every right to be, don't you think?"

"It was meant as a compliment," he offered softly, no longer hiding the smile. "And I was being honest." His tone of voice touched me deeply. I knew my expression mirrored my thoughts; there was no way I could pretend to be upset. I felt a touch of color warming my face again at his scrutiny, but I didn't try to hide it.

"You really think..." I began.

"Yes," he interrupted quietly.

"Honestly?" My voice was almost a whisper as I pleaded for the truth. He responded with a wink, his smile growing wider. I felt myself getting lost in his beautiful eyes, so kind and compassionate.

_What about Kathryn..._

I stood up then, trying to break the spell that I'd so willingly fallen into, only to find that my legs were like rubber. If that man had any clue how he affects me...

"Kathryn?" His voice brought me back to reality. I realized with a start that I was just standing there, still staring at him while my thoughts wandered to places that were definitely not appropriate, especially while on duty.

With a concerted effort, I managed to break eye contact with him and look about my Ready Room, taking a small step to be sure my legs would hold up. "I'm fine, Chakotay," I murmured quietly, smiling despite myself. He didn't buy it.

"Kathryn, I'm truly sorry. I never meant to fluster you like this."

"I'm deeply flattered," I managed to choke out as I met his eyes once more, "even if I find your timing to be a bit... questionable." He smiled again, more brightly this time. My stomach muscles rippled once more, and I silently cursed those damned dimples for having such amazing control over me.

"Does that mean I won't have to scrub the plasma manifolds with my toothbrush?" he asked wryly. I felt the corner of my mouth tugging upward into a crooked grin. Oh, he was just asking for it now. I was thoroughly charmed. I was also completely irritated... and I knew exactly what I had to do.

_All right, my Angry Warrior_ , I thought impishly. _Let's see if two can play this game._

Without saying a word, I started past him toward the door. As expected, he followed on my heels. Just before our movement was about to activate the automatic doors, I opened my mouth and spoke...

~ * ~ * ~

If Tuvok's reaction was any indication of the look on Chakotay's face as we entered the Bridge, then I'd succeeded brilliantly. I fought tooth and nail to keep a straight face as I marched up to my command chair. Chakotay walked past me as I sat, and even though I didn't look directly at him, I could tell his face wasn't the same bronze color it usually is. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him rubbing his chin absently as he took his seat. _Won't help_ , I offered silently, knowing the blush would have to run its course naturally.

It took me a minute to realize that Paris had once again turned around, this time examining Chakotay carefully. The look on the pilot's face was precious as he tried to decipher exactly what was going on. That's when I caught his eye. He glanced at me just in time to catch my raised eyebrow and stern, 'Don't even think about it,' look. Paris raised his own eyebrows in response, grinning like a kid in a candy store before turning back to his console, shaking his head gently. I knew the betting pool would be out of control later on, and I had no doubt of who'd be in charge.

As far as Chakotay was concerned, my curiosity simply got the best of me. I glanced sideways in his direction, only to find him watching me as well. In his eyes, I saw a myriad of emotions swirling right at the surface, embarrassment, yes, but there was also humor, pride, and absolute wonder. He obviously hadn't expected me to reciprocate the compliment he'd given earlier, or in the manner in which I'd chosen to do so. I allowed my eyes to smile back at him before I turned back to the view screen and the duties at hand. For the first time in years, I actually felt alive.

~ * ~ * ~

I sighed as I stepped from my bath, the soft scent of jasmine still rising from the lukewarm water. I had this silly smile on my face that I couldn't seem to get rid of. I'd been fighting it all day, and once I went off duty it seemed to take over against my will. I guess it didn't matter; nobody was watching. I suppose I could allow myself this luxury in the privacy of my own quarters.

After drying myself off, I chose a comfortable pair of leggings and a loose tunic to wear. It was too early to get ready for bed, and all I really wanted to do was snuggle on the sofa with that long neglected novel I'd started reading months ago. After all the reports and problems and technical proposals, I really needed some 'me' time. As I passed in front of my full length mirror, the sight of my image made me stop. I'd just combed through my hair, leaving it looking soft and shiny. I carefully eyed myself, unconsciously smoothing the tunic over my body, scrutinizing every square inch. I'd removed my makeup, leaving my freckles and a few wrinkles clearly visible, and I hadn't put on a bra, so I guess my slightly sagging bosom was to be expected. My legs were still trim though, nicely proportioned for my petite size. I let my arms fall to my sides as I took a deep breath.

"Not too bad, Kathryn," I murmured to myself, knowing I looked pretty damn good for a woman my age. Chakotay's comment from earlier suddenly echoed through my head, causing me to blush once more. I started chuckling softly, shaking my head as I turned and headed for the main room. After replicating myself a cup of herbal tea, I walked over to the sofa and sat down, trying to remember where I'd put the PADD that contained the novel I'd been reading. I had only taken one sip of my tea when the door chime interrupted the welcomed silence.

"Come in." The door opened revealing the very person I'd just been thinking about. I shuddered unconsciously, even though I wasn't cold. "Chakotay?"

"Am I interrupting you?" he asked, stepping just inside the door.

"Not at all. Please come in," I smiled, hoping desperately that I could keep my composure. He smiled back and walked toward where I sat. I took another sip of tea and then realized I'd lost my manners completely. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you." He sat down on the lounge chair beside the sofa, rubbing his hands together nervously. I was glad I wasn't the only one trembling on the inside. Things suddenly felt very deep and complicated, causing me to swallow hard. Chakotay and I have always respected one another. I have no doubt that we've always been attracted to one another as well. But, this morning, something had happened between us, something profound, something that couldn't be ignored. I could tell by the look on his face that he sensed this, too. On New Earth, I'd defined parameters. At the time, I'd felt it was the right thing to do, but somehow, things are different now. I set my tea down with shaky hands before finally turning my full attention to the man I'm in love with.

_My God..._

He looked up at me then, his face registering the shock that must have been written across my own at that very moment. A silent exchange ensued, every thought and emotion swirling openly between us. I was exhilarated. I was also more terrified than I've been in my entire life. Everyone I've ever loved has been taken from me, wrenched from my very spirit, leaving me so very alone. I love him. There, I admit it. I love everything about him, and I need his strength. On the Bridge we're a perfect match, each of us reacting to the other instantly in any circumstance. But, would we be as perfectly matched off the Bridge? What do I do? I thought frantically, feeling tears gathering in my eyes. He chose that moment to speak, sending a current of electricity into the already charged atmosphere.

"I love you, Kathryn," he whispered softly. My breathing stopped as I gazed at him. His face was perfectly calm, resigned. There was no worry or anger or frustration, just honesty. How I ever found my voice I don't know, but before I could stop myself, I'd already spoken.

"No ancient legend?" Even my whisper had almost cracked with the emotion that threatened to overwhelm me.

He smiled and shook his head. "No ancient legend. No stories or truths hidden behind words. My heart begged to be heard, Kathryn, and now it has spoken. I love you."

After taking a long, shaky breath, I stood up slowly. My legs wanted to buckle, but I forced them to hold me up as I walked to stare out the view port. Behind me, I heard Chakotay stand as well, though he didn't move to follow.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked finally. There was no anger in his voice, only calm acceptance. I realized he'd come here just to tell me that, fully expecting me to define more parameters. It was something he'd needed to do.

There was something I needed to do, too.

"No," I called softly. He couldn't see the smile on my face, but I had no doubt he'd heard it in my voice. Only then did I hear him move. Within seconds I felt his presence behind me, felt his hands gently grasp my shoulders.

"Kathryn," he whispered.

I took another deep breath, relishing in the warmth of his hands. "I don't want to be alone any longer." I knew my voice was weak; I was completely overwhelmed.

"You don't have to be." I turned to face him then, not bothering to wipe the tear that slid slowly down my cheek. It felt as though I was finally facing all of my fears head on, acknowledging them for what they are. Fear is a healthy thing, right? I vaguely remembered telling that to someone. My eyes locked with his. He was smiling, too, I noticed. Damn those dimples. Another shudder coursed through my body as he began rubbing my upper arms.

"I have freckles," I mumbled absently.

"I like freckles," he responded, lifting one of his hands to wipe away my tear.

"I have wrinkles." He was definitely seeing the real me with all my makeup removed.

"I have wrinkles, too." He did have a point.

"My bosom sags."

"I hadn't noticed," he lied, smiling even more brightly.

"I have... bulges," I finished quietly, frowning to emphasize my point.

"More of you for me to love."

"Kiss me," I whispered passionately.

His smile softened as he leaned forward, still holding my gaze with his. Then his lips met mine tenderly, and the rest of the universe disappeared. I closed my eyes and let myself go, wrapping my arms around his waist and running my hands up his back. I'd expected our first kiss to be desperate, demanding, and overwhelming, but it was none of those. His lips were so soft as they moved gently against mine, almost like a caress. We were barely touching, yet the sensation nearly took my breath away. I felt his huge arms holding me, nestling me against the warmth of him. He smelled of spices, the kind I wanted to breathe in forever. I felt safe, and I felt loved.

With one last tender brush together, our lips parted, and I instantly missed the sweet taste of him. I looked up into his eyes and smiled. The world hadn't come crashing down around us. Life still moved on quietly, as if nothing had happened. But, something had happened, something so deep and precious that I couldn't help feeling like I'd been reborn.

I closed my eyes again and buried my face in his chest, hugging him closer and breathing in his scent. I felt one of his hands stroking my hair. Each touch drained more of my tension away until the weight of the last five years lay in an invisible puddle at our feet. _That's where it will stay_ , I told myself. No more. I can't stand by myself any longer; I don't want to. The love that surrounded me permeated my spirit and gave me the strength and confidence I needed to face all our uncertain tomorrows. I felt our passion, too, a ticklish sensation hovering at the boundary of our newly established intimacy. When finally ignited, I have no doubt it will be the most joyous, intense, and rewarding experience of our lives. But, there will be plenty of time for that... and we will know when. 

I turned my head to the side against his chest and took a deep breath. He hugged me closer, silently telling me all I needed to know. My eyes wandered out the view port as I stroked his back affectionately. Is it my imagination, or do the stars look a little bit brighter tonight?

~ * ~ finis ~ * ~


End file.
